The Trajectory of Choice

Acceptance v/s Resistance

- Elda-Rosa Coulthrust, MA, LCMHC, LCAS

“Happiness can exist only in acceptance.” -

George Orwell

Acceptance (ac·cept·ance) – commonly defined as the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered. Although the word is identified to be a noun, for the purposes of this writing, lets refer to acceptance as a verb which is a powerful shift - - changing the intention of this word to describe an action, state, or occurrence. Exploring circumstances that require recalibration and setting our intentions to either accept or resist; further add to the layers of complexity during the process. Getting to the point of acceptance can be an interesting, exhausting, yet pivotal point in our lives – as the pendulum of life swing to the other side, resistance can be equally compounding.

Over the centuries great thinkers in all disciplines from Maya Angelou, Plato to Carl Jung to George Orwell recognized that acceptance is the key to intrinsic freedom. “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” - Maya Angelou Even the Buddha’s 4 Noble Truth’s convey suffering through a process of acceptance. Additionally, the most recited mantra of 12 Step programs lead to the succinct and powerful sentiment of Serenity though acceptance, courage and wisdom:

[Higher power] grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. -Reinhold Niebuhr, 1956

“We cannot change anything until we accept it.” - Carl Jung

Every day, whether we’re aware of it or not, we make countless decisions. In fact, some sources suggest that the average person makes a whopping 35,000 decisions per day.

Among the most fundamental of the decisions, we make is how to react and respond to stimuli. Do we accept or do we resist? It is the choice to either embrace or let go that will determine this trajectory. Let us pause to clarify and not confuse situations where we are being exposed to negative events such as abuse, exploitation or violence and overlooking the situation hoping that things will get better, that is not acceptance – it is more along the line of approval. Acceptance is acknowledging what’s already happened; approval is consenting to more of it. Let that sink in.

It may take some time to recognize the connection between the patterning, conditioning, underlying beliefs and the effects resistance, so it is important to be patient during the process of adjustment.

We may be able to agree that most of our experiences already confirm, is that our willingness to accept the unchangeable, has a lot to do with our psychological well-being. From matters ranging from financial challenges, health complications, relationship transitions, or other unanticipated event(s). When these circumstances are resisted, we may be interrupting our capacity to cope with the situation and manage the range of emotions that are experienced in its response.

In resisting, we hold on to what we want the reality to be; rather than the reality of the moment.

“Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion, and knowledge.” - Plato

Acceptance is often a process that comes in waves and has a range of difficulty corresponding to the depth and breadth of the issue as well as the individual’s level of consciousness. With acceptance, we release a struggle to change something that can not be changed. The only way to be free to embrace the moment is to accept a reality and leave the impact and residue of that experience in the rear view mirror.

It allows us to move from confinement to freedom, from victim to victor. Acceptance is being

vulnerable; this is where root of human connection resides.

Using an evidenced-based model such as Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can be a great first step to move past stuck states. ACT is an empirically-based psychological intervention that uses acceptance and mindfulness strategies mixed in different ways with commitment and behavior-change strategies, to increase psychological flexibility.

“My wish for you is that you continue. Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness. Continue to allow humor to lighten the burden of your tender heart."

– Maya Angelou

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